Someone to talk to~
It is easy to see that people who have been through certain traumatic events or who are having emotional difficulties need counseling. Isn't being in pain or dealing with another disabling condition traumatic as well? I literally went from being "normal" with the exception of my own quirky problems one day to being a completely different individual the next. I will never be the same mom, wife, daughter, or even friend. I told someone recently that I miss the day before my neck pain began. It may sound silly, but I do. I have a lot of emotions tied to my pain. I know I'm not alone. I have guilt over being a less active mom with my daughter than what I was with my son. My daughter was only two when it started. I doubt that she remembers dancing and jumping around with me back then. Now I am guarded and I never jump around that is for sure. I do dance sometimes, but I don't get my groove on or anything! When we take walks now I can't keep up with her. She is so honest at the age of five that she tells me what I do wrong and that I should try to walk faster. Ahhh, to be young with no pains and full of energy! I always say that mother nature got it so wrong. I should have all the energy and my kids should be the lethargic ones! They would then get more energetic as they aged if I had my way!
Sometimes I feel like a burden to my husband. He has taken on so much more because I can't anymore. Money is a majorly stressful subject in our household. My meds and doctor appointments alone are very costly since we have a high deductible. Once we hit our 100% it is such a relief. That's when we don't hesitate to seek medical care or worry about how we will pay for an antibiotic. It is partly our fault for not saving like we used to. The bigger problem is that when our son was two I went back to work, but I haven't been able to this time. Honestly... the only thing that doesn't hurt me is to either lay in bed or stand perfectly still. Well, that is until that starts to hurt too! He is great and I'm lucky to have him. He isn't perfect though and it has taken me almost 18 years to get him molded into the "almost perfect" man. Just kidding??? How different would it all be if I had hurt my neck in the beginning? Would we have made it this far?
Some of the other feelings I struggle with are anger, depression, embarrassment or shame, and self pity. I suppose talking about it all would be helpful. Maybe I will go now that I have put this out here. I googled pain counseling and found doctors that are called Pain Psychologists. I am thinking about trying it. I could use someone to talk to about my son's anxiety too. Boy that is some major stress in my life! Do they just listen or do they offer advice? I welcome ideas, but I can be pretty stubborn about criticism especially regarding my pain. Don't tell my hubby that I admitted it! On the other hand, I don't think having someone sit and listen without telling me whether I've been a complete idiot or not would drive me nuts!
I'm still undecided on going. If I do I will post about it here of course. Maybe that would help someone else to decide whether or not counseling could help them. I would not give them the name of my blog so that I could be completely honest about my experiences. I haven't given the name of my blog to any of my friends or family by the way. I want to write whatever I want and not worry about what they might think. I also have a Twitter account that has none of my real life friends or family. I recommend this for anyone with chronic pain or another #spoonie problem. Look up "The Spoon Theory" if you aren't familiar with the term spoonie. I tweet away about a bad pain day because all of my twitter friends are dealing with similar issues. I think it is a great idea for anyone with a hobby or something else that your real life friends and family might not have any interest in.
Ok, that's it for this post. Let me know what your thoughts are about this! Oh and my son did have strep throat for anyone that read my last post. He is on antibiotics and doing great. I feel awful and I think it is my turn to be sick. Such is life!